Wednesday, October 23, 2013

ICR: waiting

You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You. 
Isaiah 26:3
Is anything more difficult than waiting on something?
Your birthday...Christmas...graduation...vacation...a job...marriage...a baby...an answer to prayer...test results.
The days seem to drag on, especially as the big event draws closer.
When I wrote I can relate., I had some things in mind that maybe one day I would be writing about from past experiences.  I had no idea the first follow up post would be about something that has just occurred in the past week.
NOTE:  personal story of the female kind ahead...FYI.
Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time.
Hebrews 4:16
As of right now, I am awaiting results on a biopsy taken this morning of calcification desposits located in my left breast.
Sometime between Friday and next Wednesday one of three findings will be released: benign, precancerous, cancer.
A week ago, I went in for my normal over the age of 40 mammogram.  Had one three years ago, prior to 40, due to a lump felt by my gyn.  Was called in for a second diagnostic exam and ultrasound then.  All came back fine.  Come back when you're 40 kind of results.
This year, knowing what to expect, was helpful.  Even the call to return for another diagnostic exam was less frightening.  Trust me, knowing what to expect does not make the appointment for a severe smooshing several times over in one hour's time something to look forward to.
It hurts.  Brings tears to your eyes kind of hurt.
But, it answers questions.  Saves lives.  So we do it.
I have been around people long enough in this life to know some things about body language.  One thing that is a dead give away for concern is how fast and how much someone is talking to you, especially during a stressful situation.
My thought on the day of the diagnostic mammogram:  "Marilyn, you're talking too much for me NOT to be concerned."  Yes, she and I established early on in the exam, that a first name basis between us is certainly allowed.  Really think about it, and you'll understand why.  Only one other exam can top how personal two people can be in a few minutes' time.
The more she talked and tried to calm my nerves, the more I realized that I was not leaving the office without an ultrasound.
I was right.
After a few more minutes in the waiting room after the diagnostic exam, I was called back for an ultrasound.
The ladies at my imaging clinic are awesome!  They are efficient and courteous.  They make you feel at ease as much as they can.  Even provide warm blankets when you are freezing.  Bonus points!
As the radiologist enters the room where I had my ultrasound, she grabs a stool and sits down.
This didn't happen last time.  I knew what she had to say before she said it.
Needle biopsy.
I will spare you all the emotions of Monday.  I recalled most of what the radiologist said.  I know that they know nothing for certain yet.  Life has resumed on as normal for all pretense purposes.
That is why I went back in this morning for the biopsy.  To find answers.  To know for sure.  So life can go on from here.
Am I praying for the word "benign" to be the next word out of my radiologist's mouth?  Of course, I am.
Am I afraid that it will be something else.  Of course, I am.
As I sat there in that ultrasound room with the radiologist, the first thing to go through my mind was,
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You."  Psalm 56:3
I will spare you all the details of today's biopsy other than to let you know it was uncomfortable, scary, and I am in a little pain now.  Those helping me and doing the procedures, again, were amazing!  I felt well taken care of.  I know they will get me the results as soon as the lab gives them opportunity to do so.
Other than waiting, I am to have what my nurse, Kathy, referred to as "princess days" for the next two days. No strenuous exercise, no heavy lifting, no vacuuming.  Okay.  I can live with that last one for sure.  I will feel rather lazy not being able to lift weights until Saturday.  Walking will have to do for awhile.
It is a journey unexpected.  An adventure, nonetheless.
The words to 10,000 Reasons kept going through my head this morning...
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, 
let me be singing when the evening comes. 
Bless the Lord, O my soul.
Stay tuned...

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