Tuesday, June 26, 2012

praying through doubt

Many things going through my mind tonight...much of which is a mental battle against my biggest enemy...doubt.  I fight doubt often.  Doubt about what to do, how to do, when to do, if to do...things.  Any and all kinds of things.  This may surprise some.  Those who know me best, not so much.
As I was praying tonight about a certain doubt I have right now, I was reminded of a recent conversation, like just days ago recent.  A friend retold a story that she had heard and the gist of the story was that often when something needs to be done we are quick to say, "Someone should get on that."  or the infamous, "We need to do something about that,"  but meaning someone else besides us.  Sometimes it is us that God wants to use in situations.  It is time to start thinking about whether or not I am that someone this time.
Many a doubt would keep me from doing what there is to do.  But my God is bigger than my doubt and I am to fear Him, not my doubts.
After a time of prayer, I read some passages in Matthew and 1 Chronicles that hit home with me.
When we seek Him, we find Him...and it's awesome.
Matthew 8:23-27...
As He got into the boat, His disciples followed Him. Suddenly, a violent storm arose on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves. But He was sleeping. So the disciples came and woke Him up, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to die!”
But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, you of little faith?” Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea. And there was a great calm.
The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this?—even the winds and the sea obey Him!”
The disciples were with Jesus on the boat.  Jesus was there.  Everything that was going to happen to them was going to happen to Him.  If they were going to drown then He who was asleep would have too.  They did not have to doubt about their saftely.  Jesus was there.  
They doubted His power, His knowledge, His identity. 
Often I do the same.
I was reminded in times of my little faith there is a big God waiting to make things calm for me.
The next passage I read was 1 Chronicles 14...verses 2, 10-11 leapt off the pages at me. 
Then David knew that the Lord had established him as king over Israel and that his kingdom had been exalted for the sake of His people Israel...so David inquired of God, “Should I go to war against the Philistines? Will You hand them over to me?”
The Lord replied, “Go, and I will hand them over to you.”
So the Israelites went up to Baal-perazim, and David defeated the Philistines there. Then David said, “Like a bursting flood, God has used me to burst out against my enemies.” Therefore, they named that place the Lord Bursts Out.
First off was the confidence that David has in verse 2.  He knew that he knew that He knew he was right where God wanted Him.  But, He still went to God in prayer and requested direction from his God.  He had at this moment a nice balance of confidence without know-it-all arrogance.
I am inspired.
I am convinced.
I will continue to seek God's will.
I will obey.

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